Abortion. The Reality of an Unplanned Pregnancy

I’m not generally one to get in the middle of major controversy, but abortion is a topic close to my heart. And currently a huge topic of conversation. The recent attention that abortion has received has caused me to remember the times when abortion became real in my own life. I have never had an abortion, but I understand the fear, worry, and apprehension that comes with having an unexpected pregnancy. I do not condemn those who have had abortions, rather I pray you find healing and hope from the pain.

My first experience is when I was 17, and I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I was judged harshly because my dad was a pastor. Pastors and their kids are not perfect, we are as human as the rest of you. People tend to hold us to an unrealistic standard that they would never hold themselves. Whether intentionally, because of past experiences, or as a result of our culture. I was a senior in high school and once the news got out, it spread like wild fire. Many had their opinions and gave their “advice” on how to handle this “mistake.” My ex was told to punch me in the stomach or give me a pill to take care of my problem. I could not fathom making the choice to end this precious life. And let me tell you I am so glad I did not! My Ayden Michael (11) has become an incredible young man. He has such a kind and sweet spirit, he is talented, creative, and full of life. He can draw, loves music, and recently has been teaching himself to play piano. Not only is he talented, but he is kind and thoughtful. I don’t know what his future holds, but I know that he would not have had one if I had ended his life to cover my shame.

The words that stuck out to me the most when people, especially church people found out about my pregnancy, came from an older mother in our church. I can see her face and remember this conversation like it just happened yesterday. She came up to me, grabbed my hands, looked me in the face, and said, “I am so glad you are keeping your baby because I did not keep mine.” I could see the pain in her eyes. It made the pain of people’s judgements hurt a little less. She may never know the impact those words have had on my life, but I am forever grateful, and I pray that she has been encompassed with God’s never ending love.

With my first pregnancy, abortion was not a personal thought, but it was somehow an option for onlookers to try and make for me. With my second unexpected pregnancy at the age of 21…..folks it only takes one time of having sex to conceive a child, believe me. For whatever reason, I just felt that I was pregnant and I was scared to death. I took a pregnancy test sitting in a cold bathroom by myself and as I waited for the results, I just kept praying to God that this test came back negative. I was still so young, I already had one child, and the relationship with the children’s father was not stable. As much as God loves us, He does not control the natural consequences of our actions. When I looked at the test and it showed positive my heart sank, I felt completely nauseous, and not because I was pregnant. And just like that the very first thought that came into my head was “have an abortion, no one will ever have to know this happened.” I could not believe, me a Christian, a Pastor’s daughter, would ever have that thought. But shame is a powerful thing.

I did not have an abortion with my second pregnancy, but I carried the guilt of even having that thought, for years. That unexpected pregnancy gave me my strong-willed princess, Brooklyn (7). She has been the child who has challenged me the most. But she has also inspired me to be and become a better person everyday. I believe this girl will change so many lives. And I pray that over her life every single day. She cares so much for people, is thoughtful, so smart, creative, and she lights up every room she walks into. I would have missed her sunshine if I had ended her small life.

If there’s one thing I hope you get from this blog, is stop carrying the guilt for thinking of having an abortion, or actually going through with an abortion. We cannot change our past choices. The greatest thing we can do with those choices is share our story with others so they know they are not alone. As Christians, we tend to not talk about our struggles. So we continue with a culture of people suffering alone because we are afraid of judgement, and people seeing we don’t have it all together. As Christians, we are all called to live as Christ. But we are still human, so we mess up and make decisions we regret. The key is what you do after you have made bad decisions. I could have let the judgement of a few hateful souls push me away from God and the church. Instead, I clung to the promise that God created me with a purpose and no matter the choices, God can turn it around.

Abortion doesn’t heal; it only hurts everyone involved. A child dies and a mother is left with a deep wound. You are NOT alone in this journey.

“Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you. Before you saw the light of day, I had holy plans for you: A prophet to the nations—that’s what I had in mind for you.” Jeremiah 1:5 (MSG)

If you have had an abortion, placed a child for adoption, or you are struggling to make a choice please reach out. I also have a dear friend who has started an organization to help women in these situations, Hannah’s Song. You can contact her as well. There is hope!


Love to all,